Improve Your IELTS Writing FAST! | IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer

How to improve your IELTS writing fast!

This is an IELTS Writing Task 2 essay written by an IELTS candidate in response to the question below. Some comments are included by an IELTS writing instructor to give some ideas of how it could be improved quite simply by changing a few words or phrases.

IELTS Writing Task 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty and animal welfare than previous generations

What is your own opinion? Give reasons for your answer and any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should write at least 250 words.

IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Answer

It is true that young people are now concerning [1]  about subjects that did not attracted [2] people´s [3] attention in the past. The reason could be that these [4] topics could not [5] represent relevant problems but now after the time has passed, they became [6] more important because of the alteration of the quality of life we have as a race is affected.[7]  The possible reasons for this awareness about world problems could be diverse but from my point of view young people are focusing in [8] the next two aspects. First one, there [9] is a need to create conscience using the protest methods [10] as the way young people have to show their position against the excessive abuses we commit to [11] our planet or our and move people around reflection[12] It is very common to see successful young people, like famous music icons, artist or entrepreneurs, giving support to humanitarian organizations or being the symbol of environmental campaigns.  A good example of that was what the TV show American Idol did with some artists and the contestants with the promotion and support of health and social programs in Africa and Asia.  They made shows around USA to got funds and financed programs to combat child hunger, AIDS, etc.The second reason I choose for young people´s concerning the statuses of [13]some worldwide situations in different aspects[14] that are becoming untenable and extreme now than ever. Just look to the global protest against [15] economic crisis and banks in a lot of countries last year.  The protagonists of these recurrent protests were young people putting their indignation in a clear and immobile position.[16]  The young people´s crusade of concerning [17] could be our last chance to correct our behavior and priorities and do something to stop this cycle of indifference we are involve [18] in.

[1] concerned OR concerning themselves
[2] attract [you already used ‘did’ to show past tense]
[3] young people’s [more specific]
[4] those [when referring to things in the past]
[5] maybe did not [possibility in the past]
[6] have become [over a period of time]
[7] this part is NOT clear or easy to understand for the reader.
[8] focusing on [when focus is a verb we normally say: focus on something/someone]
[9] The first reason
[10] protests
[11] against [commit abuse against something/someone]
[12] fellow humans
[13] this part is NOT clear or easy to understand for the reader
[14] this is NOT clear or coherent for the reader.
[15] the
[16] this is an awkward choice of words, better to say: showing their solidarity and indignation
[17] of being concerned
[18] involved [adjective]

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